An Unremarkable Homecoming
Looming ahead The House is quiet, still vast and mysterious yet somehow shrunken and cast in gloom. The boss lady has left me the keys to the house with a stern warning not to burn the place down. I get the feeling this is some kinda caretaking gig but with traumatic childhood memories of the shining still haunting the recesses of my mind I have resolved myself to a higher goal I’m gonna try and bring the house back to life. I have some assistance the Warlock has promised a new batch of interns but I haven’t seen him for a while he went off muttering about non symbiotic mutations and growing a new batch. I was about to ask what he meant by grow but decided against it follow up questions at the house rarely lead to comforting answers.
It’s strange coming through the front door the intricate series of defences that keeps the House safe from the world (or the world safe from the house I’ve never been a hundred percent sure) are inert, the laser defence array lies silent the guard towers already look dilapidated looming from the new years mist like head stones in a deserted graveyard. It’s strange I was here only a few months ago but they look like they have been unused from hundreds of years maybe not so strange when you consider all the xenos tech, arcane devices and general experimentation into temporal anomalies and such like that has occurred in the grounds of this hallowed institution, maybe here time doesn’t work quite the normal way anymore or maybe this is how time really works running away while no one’s looking.
Well enough introspection and on with the task at hand I thread my way through the entrance way and make a be line for the Drive room I carefully skirt my round the basement it’s quiet but still no use taking unnecessary risks a lot of plumbers learned that the hardest way possible.
I pass Sinsynns pen Its starting to rust and the floor is barely sticky at all!
Finally I make it to the Drive room. Right let’s start the plasma containment field up, get the cyclonic regenerating chamber spinning and while the photonic injector array heats up we will prime the gravatonic pumps that needs to reach 1,500,000.00 bar and it’s currently at
Bugger that’s gonna take a while .Well while we wait I’m gonna take this opportunity to take you a but deeper into the World of DC. warning things could get very strange from here on in The House of Paincakes can in no way be held responsibility for any injury to Body, Mind or Soul that may occur when reading this and the reader assume all liability for any loss arising from consideration of any information contained with in you have been warned!
Well it’s been quite a tumultuous few months for me in my cover identity as Joe. I live in a strange little seaside town called Felixstowe on the East Coast of the United Kingdom which has a strange dichotomy of being a quaint Victorian Sea side resort surrounded by two areas of out standing natural beauty Constable country to the south (the landscapes that John Constable painted) and the forest heathland and Estuaries of the Suffolk coast to the North and is also home to one of the largest container ports in the world
That’s me at work masquerading as a respectable besuited member of the human race at 1 am in the ladies bathroom, I told you this was gonna get strange! Taken on my fancy pants new shiny samsung note tablet. No I’m not some kinda weird fetishist, hang on I’m getting ahead of myself let’s rewind a few months. I recently well about four months ago split with She who must be obeyed it was a long time coming and has been very amicable but it has left me in a position of having very little in the way of commitments and responsibilities and left a fair bit of time for hobbying which in turn has allowed me to keep regular contact with my Step son who went and turned 16 years old with out so much as a “please” or a “by your leave”. I’m not sure what he’s playing at cause I’m sure it wasn’t 5 minutes ago he was 4 years old and waiting for me to get home from work so we could play X box together oh god I feel old!!!
So after turning my life upside down I decided that wasn’t quite enough and went and got into an hours of work dispute with my employers won’t bore you with the details but it prompted me to apply for a whole bunch of jobs and I landed one as the night manager of a fairly posh hotel hence the suit and why I’m in the ladies room (one of my duties is to check all the toilets) and they have much better mirrors than the gents. Well I took the job figuring it’s better to work in a posh hotel than on a muddy caravan park not realising that the main job of the night staff is to clear away functions and do the set up for the following days events, well I started mid November just in time for the X mas season which for most of December meant 4 course silver service affairs for about 250 a night now that might not sound too bad but 250 people for 4 courses is 2000 pieces of cutlery which have to be polished and placed with precision and, as this is a hotel and it’s usually 4 am by the time we’ve cleared out last night’s function laid out and clothed the tables, total silence then your gonna need 250 each of side plates,coffee cup, saucer and tea spoons 1000 glasses and fancy pants pain the arse to fold napkins for everybody and finally chairs well so much for an easy job!.
On top of that my car blew up but handily due to that working hours dispute I walked out of my last job with a nice lump sum hence the new tablet and models but I have enough to get a reasonable car now if I can just get the time to go look at some I might even buy one
Hobby wise I’ve some what stalled on painting having an entire Aleph Army to paint and some Nomad Zonds are still in box waiting to be built however i have been playing a lot of Infinity I’ve fleshed out my Pan O and Nomads forces that I got in the Ice storm starter to 300 or so points each and built up an Aleph Army. However I am having a great deal of trouble getting the Aleph to work on the table top maybe putting Penthesilea and Atlanta with a Marut’s and a Sophotects into the same list doesn’t work I’m gonna grab the steel Phalanx box set and try something a bit different. My Pan O I’m loving though all I did was chuck a Cutter tag in to the Ice storm contents and made a couple of the Fussiliers into specialists and the invisible Killertron does the business every time. Although he got him self into a bit of a scrape today
There he was hanging out all invisible on a roof top waiting for the just the right moment to decloak and reap havoc with his armour piercing heavy machine gun. When some dirty low life with a heavy flamer thrower intuitive attacks his ASS, forcing a dodge roll which resulted in him falling off the rooftop and landing in a nasty interlocking field of fire from 2 Jotum TAG’s being a canny (CUNTY😉) fellow of prestigious beard length my opponent used his last 2 orders to stick both TAG’S on suppressive fire and ended his turn with a maniacal cackle intending to ARO me death. Well faced with a numerically superior better armoured opponents he did what any rational stompy robot of death would do and attempted to shoot his way out after the first attempt I realised quite how out gunned he was rolling 4 dice to opponents 6 was not a recipe for a long life so risking a free shot he used the first part of his next order to move out of line of sight of one taking a bunch of shots that all ricochet of his armour and leaving him to take an unopposed round of shooting at the other taking two wounds of it with the last order of the game he manages to destroy one Jotum squeaking out a victory on points thank god for expensive Pan O models.
And with that the pump reach the correct pressure the system all start to blink into life and the lights go back on and we shall step neatly back into the tangential paradoxical reality of the House
So denizens of the house, writers past and present, commentators, lurkers, riff raff and hangers on or god help you interns I am sending out the signal
What have you been up to, any new years resolutions (still unbroken) what’s keeping you away from the house, what Hobby projects have got you tied up, what game system is tickling your nerd gland just right. Well I have a whole load of purple robes to get laundered.