Fuck, Fuck, Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck…

With HoP idol now in full swing it’s obvious that many people desire the fame and fortune that comes from being an internet celebrity…

So if your idea of success is to gain new followers at the speedy rate of nearly one a month and already have quite literally some followers then my guide is here to help…

Step 1)
Have a Blog.
Many people miss out this elementary step in their quest for stardom. Why risk having your genius comments moderated by those fascists who run forums when you can instead be the fascist who moderates comments? With quick yet careful editing you can easily give the impression that everybody agrees with you which by default means that everything you say must be completely correct. Once you have convinced everybody of this version of reality soon your own group of toadying sycophants will be ready to leap to your defence at a moments notice…..

Step 2)
Pick a cool internet name.
Admittedly a lot of the good ones have already been taken but don’t let this fact prevent you from finding the name that’s right for you. Don’t make the mistake of doing something really lame like using your first initial and part of your last name or you could be stuck for the rest of eternity with something really uncool like…well…GMort for example…

Step 3)
Be EVERYWHERE.
In the real world you’ll need to go through all the trouble of getting to movie premiers, being seen falling out of the trendiest of nightclubs and actually talking to people…..
Fortunately all this effort can be avoided if you only want to be an internet celebrity. Simply join every blog, blog network, forum and website and then comment in every single thread until your name is synonymous with …well…something or other that people are interested in…Soon the on-line community will be flooding to your own blog or website in order to be the first to benefit from your wisdom.

Step 4)
Pick a cool Blog name.
Like your internet name, your blog name needs to be something dramatic and insightful that encapsulates the entire gaming world…or alternatively pick something that is likely to be typed into a search engine.
On second thoughts pick something war-gaming related that’s likely to be typed into a search engine unless your happy for your war-gaming blog to be called ‘Jessica Alba Nude’, ‘Hot Naked Nymphomaniacs’ or ‘Big Boys in Boots’…..

Step 5)
Swear a lot.
Nothing says ‘mature and serious blogger’ like using the word ‘Fuck’ over and over again. Think of it less as an swear word and more as a sort of profane punctuation mark and you can’t go wrong. It’s best to save the more offensive ‘C**t’ word for really serious issues like Games Workshop putting up their prices or a new Codex having a slightly broken unit in it though, or the impact may be lessoned over time.

Step 6)
Start a war.
No I don’t mean invade Poland or anything extreme like that. I mean pick an already established internet celebrity and pick an argument with them. Everybody enjoys a good argument as long as they’re themselves safe from any real physical harm while it’s going on. Good starting points are telling Stelek that one of his optimised lists could easily be beaten by a Tri-Monolith build, telling a competitive gamer how awesome the Chaos Space Marine Codex is or if you just want a massive row involving everybody then you could simply start a Matt Ward fan-club…..

Step 7)
Put it all together.
So your internet name is now ‘Sex McAwesome’, your blog is called ‘Sex Slave War-gaming’ and your first post is an open letter to all other bloggers called ‘I’m better than you all and you fucking smell too…’. With any luck you’ll be famous within 24 hours and the most well known person on the internet by the end of next week 😉

Thoughts and comments are as usual most welcome but to be taken seriously should have at least one swear word in or at the very least be an attempt to start a pointless argument of some kind…

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