Holiday Chaos and the Writhing Tentacle Fiends

Hey, folks. SinSynn here.

So the holiday season is wrapping up, and things are quiet here at the House of Paincakes. All of my fellow authors are out and about, leaving me alone here in the office.
The least they could’ve done is turned off the electric fence.
After all, I did promise not to, uh…have another ‘accident,’ and I’m pretty sure Lauby has our insurance all squared away, but whatevs. I’d rather be trapped here with no one but the Hamster That Lives In My Head as company than to be at home.
Y’see, shortly after Halloween the Crazy Lady’s sister arrived, and she has stayed as our guest throughout this holiday season. Their cousin arrived just before Thanksgiving, turning our apartment into the world’s smallest bed and breakfast.
In a couple of days, we’ll usher in a New Year, and the Crazy Lady’s sister and cousin will return to their respective tombs…errr, I mean homes.

*Next year I steep the mat in garlic. That’ll keep ’em out*

To say it’s been a rough couple of months for me would be something of an understatement. As if returning to full time employment, Armageddon-like hurricanes and all of their attendant nonsense weren’t stressful enough, I’ve got not one, not two, but three Terran females to contend with on a daily basis, all filled with holiday cheer.
And wine.
Holiday cheer and wine.
Someone kill me.

Some hideous Terran virus has been trying to do exactly that, and I’ve been battling a flu-like sickness for about a month now. Thankfully I was able to pass on my infection to everyone else in the apartment, and I smile grimly as I listen to the hacking coughs coming from the living room…cuz, yeah- I’ve totally locked myself away in the bedroom, for the most part.
That’s not such a bad thing- I’ve spent a lot of time with my new Chaos Codex, and plotting.

I tried to build stuffs, and I’ve managed to sneak in an hour here and an hour there. I’ve managed to assemble my Heldrake and a buncha cultists…
Every time I pull out the models, though, I’ve got the three harpies on my shoulder.
‘Aw, look- he’s playing with his toys.’
‘That’s so cute! What are they? Are they like, little dolls?’
‘I think they’re toy soldiers. There’s this game he plays with his friends…it’s all very elaborate.’
‘Shouldn’t he be going now? We’re almost out of wine, and he can pick us up Chinese food on the way.’
‘Oh that sounds perfect. I would love some dumplings!’
‘Grab a menu- we’ll make a list.’

Grrr…Terran females make me grind my teeth, sometimes.

*Then I would believe you, Morpheus*

So I’ve basically given up on building/painting stuffs for now. I’ve managed to content myself by burying my head in the Chaos Codex, and I even pulled out the ol’ notebook, pen and calculator and made a list or two.
I’ve decided to build a renegade band of Chaos troops, and I’ll be naming them the Writhing Tentacle Fiends, or W.T.F. for short.
I’m pretty handy with green stuff, and a lot of the stuff in the Chaos range looks ripe for kitbashing. The hobbyist in me is salivating.
Tentacles everywhere.

In all honesty I don’t think I can take 40k too seriously, as far as strategy and tactics are concerned, so I’ve decided to build something a lil’ crazy. I am, by nature, a defensive minded player. My bad luck with dice and my knack for making at least one really bad decision during deployment has led me to develop a play style that can best be described as ‘chicken shit.’
Given the opportunity, I will dig everything I can into cover, and hunker down. No bold maneuvers for me, no sir. I’ll just ride it out, and maybe make a move in the end-game if I have to grab an objective, or whatever.
It’s not like I’m scared, or nuthin,’ it’s just that I have terrible luck, y’see, and, uh….
Don’t you judge me.

This time, I thought I’d get out of my comfort zone. Since 6th edition 40k seems more ‘beer and pretzel’-ish than ever, I figured I’d embrace that, and build something fun. Not for nuthin,’ but the Chaos Codex has a lot of potential in that regard. It’s…dare I say it?…‘characterful.’
…Damn you, Jervis….Damn you….

So here’s what I’m thinking-

Chaos Lord on a bike
Mark of Slaanesh
(I’m thinking dual Lightning Claws and Sigil of Corruption, maybe? I’ll probably do that just cuz dual LC on a bike is ridiculous, and a 4up invul is a good thing)

Two Squads of Chaos bikers, ten in each.
Mark of Slaanesh
Icon of Excess (Feel No Pain for the Squad)
Champ w/power weapon and combi plasma
One biker w/melta
One biker w/plasma gun

Two Squads of Chaos Marines, ten in each.
Mark of Nurgle
Champ w/power weapon and combi plasma
One troopie w/melta
One troopie w/plasma gun.
Both squads will get a Rhino w/Havoc Launcher (and maybe a combi-plasma, not sure yet)

Three (count ’em) Three Maulerfiends.
Yes, I’m well aware that Havoc Squads w/Autocannons is the way to go. Whatevs.
Maulerfiends have the Siege Crawler rule, which means they move 12 inches. They’re also Fleet, so I look forward to running three of these guys right alongside twenty-one Chaos bikers (including the Lord) right down my opponent’s gullet on turn one and assaulting something on turn two.

Death to the False Emperor!

*It has an option for tentacles- that’s never a bad thing*

That would be the basic core of my army,  and depending on how I kit it out I have between 150 to 300 points left over. I could start dropping things like the Icons, Havoc Launchers (or the Rhinos altogether), the odd power weapon or what have you and really wrench some more points out if I wanted, but…meh.
Pretty confident I can toss in the Heldrake and a ridiculous amount of Cultists and call it a wrap at 2k points.

In a few days, we’ll usher in a new year, and I’ll get these wacky Terran females the heck outta the apartment, and I can get this thing properly started.
Time to plot the purchases…damn those Chaos bikers are gonna be costly.
Still, a massive gang of Chaos bikers charging the Imperial lines side-by-side with a pack of Maulerfiends is gonna be a sight to see.

The writhing Tentacle Fiends are coming to bring woe unto the Imperium.
Now I just need a good image for my banners…

*Too much?*

Until next time, folks- Exit with catchphrase!

– SinSynn

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