Monday Madness 1

It’s Monday at the HoP headquarters. That means most of the staff are trying to wake up via intravenous coffee or rough slaps to the face. Which member is doing what is up to debate on this particular morning, but most of the staff are somewhere in the building.

There are loud noises and a constant grinding sound coming from the far corner of the “Boss’s Lair”. As we investigate to find the source of the racket, explosive swearing commences. The verbiage used is inventive, extensive and often in German. Looking around the corner, we see Dethtron and Lauby stuffing an industrial sized shredder full of papers, documents, photos and other office detritus.  They are shoving items in faster than it can turn them into confetti, and the machine whines and groans as the pair continue their profuse proclamations. More shouting is heard.

That’s about right. (PS, read all the way to the end of this post)

Dethtron: “Hurry man. That tip said they’d be here in 10 minutes!”

Lauby: “I KNOW. I’m working as fast as I can! But these pieces aren’t symmetrical- I have to send them back through. I can’t have uneven pieces!”

Dethtron: “Peeled grapes and toast! Fuck, we don’t need your OCD shit NOW! We gotta get rid of this evidence before the cops get here.”

Due to the magic of the internet, we see inside the thought bubble of a random HoP staff member, which shows some wishful thinking about the type of officer that could arrive.

It’s just a dream, sorry. 

Both Lauby and Dethtron shake their heads at the invasive illusion, and get back to work destroying damaging documents. They are hard at work and have almost all of the file cabinets emptied and turned into tiny pieces of (mostly) symmetrical paper. They take turns lighting the paper on fire, careful not to leave anything flammable out in plain sight. HoP is a “lighter free zone” after SinSynn and Lo burned it down a while ago, and they don’t want more mischief out of those two.

The smoke from the flames triggers the fire alarm, and the Bosses find themselves surrounded much faster than they imagined. (They sort of forgot they paid for the UltraPremiumSuperMega Fire Protection service after that fire. Oops.) Unfortunately, they ALSO forgot to read the TeenyTinyFinePrint, and were unaware that any time the fire department is alerted, so are the police. The HoP office is littered with officers of every shape and size, screaming “freeze” as loudly as they can.

As Lauby and Dethtron raise their hands above their heads, a stray photograph slips onto the floor and into view. The photo shows a very recognizable Xenos being demeaned in almost every fashion. Both El Jefe and the King of Snowmobiling look at each other with a somewhat flabbergasted expression.

Lauby: “I thought you got rid of that!”

Dethtron: “Me? I thought that was YOUR job! You recruited him!”

All the while, the police and agents are barking various orders and inspecting the mostly empty drawers of the cabinets and desks in the office. The scene is chaotic and frenzied for some time as Lauby and Dethtron try to determine WHAT they are being raided for, exactly, and who snitched on them. A veritable alphabet soup of federal agents are seen opening every d

A few of the HoP staffers decide to check out the ruckus and see a large squad of firemen, police, agents and other officials wrangling Dethtron and Lauby towards the door. A quick look outside the HoP doors shows a waiting paddy wagon, and the familiar click of handcuffs can be heard as one of the many federal agents heads towards the Miniatures Masters.

SinSynn can be seen diving between the HoP Honchos and the authorities in a slow motion pan shot, reminiscent of cop movies where the rookie takes a bullet for the grizzled veteran.

Terrible artists’ interpretation. 

It seems that despite being held captive in a pen, “initiated” and forced into writing about his experiences on our planet, the Xeno has formed a deep “Stockholm Syndrome” bond with his tormentors. In a desperate attempt to keep the bosses from being arrested, the multi-tentacled menace sprays the police with an extra concentrated dose of excretions.

BushCraft has wandered into the fray, and has sussed out the situation very quickly. He is trying to avoid the tentacles and stay away from the fisticuffs going on between Dethtron and Lauby. As he is winding through the conflagration, he slips on a puddle of —whatever— from SinSynn’s orifices and tumbles headlong into an Internet Police Agent.

The incident is very Laurel and Hardy, Three Stooges and Keystone Cops all in one moment. The agent and authorities immediately zone in on BushCraft, and despite his protestations of “it was an accident!”, slap cuffs on him and bustle him out the door.

NOT BushCraft. 

Von looks around from out of a corner, and sees SinSynn expressing liquids from his optical glands. He secures the alien in his stately beard, and then notices the HoP Overlords are Missing In Action- as in, entirely missing. They have completely left the building. Suddenly he remembers the clause in the HoP Contract – in teeny tiny print

“If Lauby and/or Dethtron should be missing, whoever is left in the HoP Building shall be forced to take on the role of Leader/Head Cat Herder”…

Von wants none of that and disappears into the sunset with SinSynn hidden safely in his beard, towing Cedric behind him. He makes a quick phone call as he scuttles out the door, but his words cannot be made out over the Alien’s loud sobbing.

About this time, Lo comes strolling into the Headquarters through the back door, having just hit the BIG PURSE SALE. She is humming a very happy tune and holds the CUTEST PURSE EVER as she straightens up her desk. She turns and sees the oozy, inky mess SinSynn made, along with a large bin of shredded papers. She makes a very subdued “huh” face, and then sees the light on the answering machine blinking.

She dutifully goes through the message prompts and then listens to the message. As she picks up the telephone to look for a scrap of paper, she finds a large stack of applications to the Paincakes network. Von’s voice can  be heard as she goes through the new entries to the House.

“Good lord, woman, get out! The bosses left and you’ll be stuck in charge until they come back if you stay! Who KNOWS when they’ll come back!”

Loquacious sits down in her chair, realizes exactly what Von did, and smiles. A very, very evil Terran Female smile. She stamps “approved” on each and every one of the applications and begins to plot.


1.       SincaiN40K    40K, Painting, Hobby, Tuts… My awesomeness can’t be conveyed by words alone! 8)

2. Midwest Gaming Alliance  Putting Midwest Tabletop Gaming on the map!
Warhammer Fantasy, Warhammer 40k, Tabletop Gaming

3.  The Lonely Havocs – Warhammer 40k, Warhammer Fantasy, Warmachine, Hordes, Star Wars X-Wing…ThunderCougarFalconBird

4. -Warhammer 40k…Warhammer, Germany, tabletop

5. VonRichthofen’s Lounge – Flames of war, Zombies, Life… Nuff said..

6. EightySixed Gaming and Hobby Blog -Warhammer 40K, Privateer Press, Painting, Converting, Tutorials …I’ll be having lots of painting and hobby tutorials mainly focused around 40K, but will have stuff from any gaming systems that people want me to paint.  That is well under 500 words.  Been following the blog for a long time, thanks for the work you do.

7. Crit Magnet Games -Wargaming blog about my interests including Infinity, Malifaux, 40k, terrain, Forgeworld, Dropzone Commander and more

You may also like...