SinSynn: When Good Models Go Bad
Hey, folks, SinSynn here.
Man, do I love me some Tau Crisis Suits.
I mean, seriously, I’m an anime, sci-fi kinda guy, and…I love me some Crisis Suits.
Well, everything except the little ‘ball in socket’ ankles, which sit in their big, mechanical feet.
…cuz they always break.
If a Crisis Suit takes a tumble, and does that hideous ‘skittering across the floor’ thing that models do when knocked from gaming tables (as we stand there, horribly aghast and frozen in fear), I can virtually assure you he’ll break an ankle.
Oh, and usually, the lil’ ball from the ankle breaks off in the foot, and yer kinda screwed.
Listen…I saw Underworld: Awakening in Imax 3D tonight, and it was da awesome.
Now I realize that at this point, most bloggers would place a Crisis Suit pic right about here…
I am not most bloggers, however.
So many, in fact, that the 12 or so I have now (there may be a few more….Don’t you judge me!) are all second generation.
Which is ok, cuz my painting skills have improved dramatically. I’ve graduated from using my fingers and Q-Tips, and now am actually trusted with genuine paint brushes.
No one’s lost an eye…yet.
I imagine the next time I pull them outta the foam, one of these fools will break an ankle before he reaches the table.
Since the Crisis Suit’s larger sibling, the Broadside, is basically the same kit, just with some metal bits added on, it’s pretty much the same deal.
With the additional weight, and the ‘you need to pin these’ railguns, as well as a pair of bulky smart-missile equipped arms, if this guy falls over, he’s a goner.
I’ve replaced about three of them.
– Hive Guard.
I purchased three of the original metal versions. I built one and primed one, and was beginning to work on the other two when I used the primed fellow and two proxies in a game.
This guy fell off the third floor of a piece of Cities of Death terrain, and landed on a handful of ‘gants and a couple of Imperial Fists.
Lil’ claws and broken bolters were flying everywhere.
Very soon afterwards, I shipped them off to my buddy Purgatus, from Best Overall.
Hive Guard are also one of those models that suffer from ‘tipping,’ cuz they’re pretty poorly designed.
All of their fifty-seven odd legs should be pinned, too….it’s a pain.
I gave these things away, free of charge. That’s how bad I wanted rid of them.
I also paid for a box of Space Marines.
Stupid friggin’ Hive Guard…they’re stupid.
I built nine Warrior-based kitbashes…so nyah.
– Metal Hive Tyrant.
Well, needless to say, Purgy got this one too.
What a sucka.
The Ultimate Rival tried to build it for his daughter, who got a few boxes of Tyranids one Christmas.
It didn’t go well, it seems.
After he gave up on the Tyrant, he gave it to me (as well as a bunch of Gargoyles and Warriors), and purchased a fully painted Tyranid Army off of E-Bay for her.
Yes, folks- the Ultimate Rival’s daughter is a Xeno.
His youngest son is also an Axis player in FoW, and we conspire against daddy together.
He’s like, five. It’s hysterical.
Speaking of Flames of War…
Dear…whoever is responsible for designing the Battlefront kits-
I haven’t forgotten about you.
I swear by the holy tentacles of Cthulhu, one day I will find you, and make you pay for what you’ve done.
Let’s review, quickly:
-Everything with a gun barrel comes with bent gun barrels.
Awesome, cuz everything in FoW has a friggin’ gun barrel, doesn’t it?
-No guiding lines or notches for a lot of teeny, tiny parts that are supposed to join.
So, I gotta line up that Tiger side-skirt thingy by eye, as I hold it with a tweezers, right?
Are you surreal?
Yes you are.
-Expensive kits with extra bits and no instructions.
I have about a pound of extra pewter bits and bobs that came in the 88mm Flak Guns kit.
I am told I can go on the forums and find out what to do with them.
How stupid is this?
Kits should come with instructions. Period. This includes single models, too.
Try building a Bergepanther recovery vehicle after you break it out of the blister pack.
You can’t- it has a crane assembly that’s ridonkulous.
Good thing there’s a tiny instructions jpeg on the Battefront site, right?
You couldn’t include extra fenders in some of the tank kits though, huh?
I’ve got a ton of useless stuffs for my 88’s, but tanks with missing fenders now.
There are other offenses, like how annoying it is to chop away big chunks of resin to make tracks fit properly, or having to bend metal gun shields to fit every friggin’ time, but whatevs.
You guys have seen Battlefront’s troopies, right?
Those things are so ugly, I will NEVER have one in my FoW army. Ever.
Lil’ mongoloid lookin’ things they are. Eesh.
They not only come with the bits to make multiple variants of each tank model and such (BF minis do not), but they also come with friggin’ instructions.
Battlefront minis look great once you wrestle them into submission and paint them, but the stupid barrels will still get bent, somehow, every time you turn around.
And I make this face, every time:
Someday, I will find the ones responsible for this travesty, and give them an ungentle tentacle probing.
No warning, no lube.
I vow it.
Whether it’s the Ultimate Rival’s gaming garage, or some FLGS somewhere, my various armies have to be built to withstand the rigors of transport.
Here’s some things I’ve learned the hard way:
-Clumsy fools shouldn’t have fancy figures.
Waving pennants, outstretched arms and cleverly posed models with only one foot on the base look really nice.
Yeah, but they break easy, too.
-Keep your model on the base.
Anything extending beyond the edge of the base can potentially cause issues.
Try to keep as much of the figure centered over the base as possible. Rifle barrels and the odd outstretched sword cannot be helped, but at least try to make it so they fit in standardized slots in your army bag!
-Make sure they stand up straight.
Models that tip by themselves, or at the slightest shift in wind direction are a pain.
After assembling a model, place it on an incline similar to the hills you’ll see on gaming tables.
Does it still stand up? Does it fall over?
If it does, fix it. Put some weight on the base, adjust the pose or whatevs.
Big models should be ‘temped’ with blue tac before pinning and gluing.
-Sliding models are so annoying.
You wanna place that model on a hillside just so…this way he has LoS to the enemy…
But he keeps sliding down the hill.
After several minutes of fiddling, you either have to give up (cuz you look silly fighting with the model), or you hafta carefully explain your intention to your opponent.
This is why I take a knife, and cut sharp lil’ ridges (like teeth) into the bottom of my bases (I have proper adult supervision when handling sharpened implements, naturally).
You can do it on the inside rim of GW style slotted bases, and just put some slashes on the bottom of flat bases to help ’em grab that terrain.
-Travel with care.
There have been times when I was too lazy to swap out some stuffs in the army bag, and I end up just tossing some things in a generic plastic container.
Or at least, that’s what I used to do, before the Ultimate Rival did a ‘brake slam’ while we were driving to the gamestore, and said plastic container went flying off my lap.
Keep ’em in the foam.
They’re very fine models (I went Combine, cuz they’re da Xenos, natch), but I already see that extra care will be required, since they have a delicate appearance.
Here we go again….
Until next time, folks, -Exit with catchphrase!
PS- Someone please license the Underworld series and make a mini game outta them (and not just cuz I wanna lil’ Selene model…cuz I so totally do).
Or how about Aliens vs. Predator, even.
Really, GW…the Hobbit?
What’s wrong with you?