[Surprise Attack!] The Battle of the Three Armies

So, a few of us in my town had the weekend off and decided to do a little Infinity-based pillaging near us. 


That, Worthy Foes, is when things got really interesting…another town decided to get in on the action and take advantage of whoever the weakened victor would be. It was to be a three-way fight!
Chef and Banks hopped in my truck-shaped longboat and rowed to the game store. Since we were early, and bored, and everyone was afraid to face our mighty blades on the field of battle, we squabbled like the undiscplined raiders we are and backstabbed each other. Chef and I set up a 300 point game with YAMS rules. He runs Japanese Sectorial Army and I run plain jane Combined Army. 
My two secret objectives were Flag Kill and Kill the Pigeon. Pigeon was a dirty trick of mine, because I made Catch the Pigeon one of our shared ones. This means I could kill her quickly, take the point, and deny him one of the four possible shared points. Sucker! Damn, I’m evil. 

I choose to share Catch the Pigeon and Collect. Chef shares Prize Fighter and Mapping. Since I’m running a TAG, I don’t like this Prize Fighter business. If it dies, I’m hurting and he gets a point.  Better keep my Sphinx alive.

Chef takes first turn and moves his impetuous bikers up. I don’t care because bikers suck and I always slap them silly. My beastly Charontid Lieutenant is guarding the center from behind cover and can crush anything that comes at him.

I pop my Noctifier missile launcher from his TO Camo hidden deployment and smoke a biker in ARO. Then, despite Chef hitting him at -9, he gets crushed under the dice of a spitfire and collapses in a pool of blood on the rooftop. I probably should have waited a bit longer to reveal him…

So, in my turn I pop my Sphinx TAG from his hidden deployment and he runs up the left flank, swiftly crisping the civilian with his heavy flamethrower and earning me an easy point. Chef later calls me out for being a cheating bastard, since the civilian was still neutral and couldn’t be attacked. He’s right, damn him, and I lose even worse than we thought I did. Oh, sorry: Spoiler Alert! I lose!

Continuing his bad-assery, Sphinx continues forward and toasts one of Chef’s lil dudes, then runs around the corner and takes a shot at more, but misses. I thought you dodge direct templates on a -3, but you don’t. It’s just a 0 MOD. I don’t like this because I was counting on this flamethrower to hurl death and destruction everywhere but, whatever, that’s cool, because I’m secretly scheming on how to move up and kill that juicy flag a mere foot away. Since by then I’ll be in his deployment zone I can score Mapping, then run around and kill stuff until I get the Prize Fighter Point. Easy money.

Chef’s turn, and he runs his biker up that I don’t care about because bikers suck and my Charontid can crush them. He does two wounds to my Charontid, Charontid misses, then freaks out and hides from the tricksy biker scum.

Biker scum moves to a better position and lights up my (proxied) spitfire Unidron, then gloats in his savagery.

Taking stock of things, I have my Sphinx ready to rampage on my left, my Charontid LT hiding behind a wall in the middle, and a Drone with total reaction and a heavy machinegun guarding my right flank from up high on a rooftop. Not so bad, but I really hate that biker right now. First, let’s smash shit real good with that Sphinx.

Which I begin to do, then Chef pops his Oniwaban two inches from Mr. Sphinx…and not just any Oni, but Shinobu Friggin’ Kitsune. Super! Possibly the best close combat fighter in the damn game and her kill-anything-with-one-hit lightsaber. What’s the worst that can happen???

She engages with the Sphinx and crits, killing him instantly. I have poopy face and Chef makes a pants tent. Then he Collects a point from my dead body. Jerk.

My Drone moves up to Collect from the biker my Noctifier blasted…and badly fails his WIP check to search the body. My Charontid finds his balls and moves back into the fray, attacking the surving biker that’s been plaguing him in the middle. Charontid dies.

One of those days.

Game over.

Chef reveals his two secret objectives. Dirty mofo doubled down on Prize Fighter as both a shared and secret objective and got two points for that, plus Attrition. Plus that Collect he got and it’s Chef 4, me 1. But: I cheated so it’s really a big fat 0 for me.

Meanwhile, the Charlotte crew shows up and throws down with Banks. DFleetw is a master Tohaa player, Banks wants to learn Tohaa, so they settle in for a loooooooong four-hour game where Dfleetw pours knowledge in Banks’ ear and whispers insidious promises of how to slay me when I’m not expecting it.

The locals in Durham see the invaders scrapping it out and sally forth from behind their walls to force us off their land.

I don’t play any more today, but I do drink a lot of beer, and that’s what’s important.

Dfleetw equips his trusty straight-line laser from Broken Egg Games, which immediately makes my ZOMG! GOTTA HAVE IT! list.

Some of the Durham boys fight it out on GamerCurt’s gorgeous city table. It’s entirely papercraft, to include papercraft vehicles and scatter terrain. Dude is P-A-T-I-E-N-T.

Seriously, just look at it.

Did I mention tall? It’s really tall.

Lot’s of sniper perches, but there’s so much blocking terrain that it’s not overpowered towards long range stuff.

Doubles game: Moblothelm’s Ariadna take up firing positions on the rooftops and cover their ally’s advance.

Back to Banks and Dfleetw. Going on hour fifty, or whatever.

Banks brings out an airborne troop in Dfleetw’s deployment zone, then learns why it’s a much better idea to give airborne dudes close-range stuff like shotguns than, say, longe-range weapons like the heavy machine gun he gave his guy.

Airborne dude gets outgunned by the troops guarding the deployment zone, and Banks’ hopes die with him. But, he learned a lot in those hours. The next game he plays he comes out swinging hard, and I have no one but Dfleetw to blame for that.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Until next time.

-BC

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