[Surprise Attack!] The Last Snow Day on Earth

I don’t think I’m going to work today. 

Here in what is technically considered the Southern US, they don’t handle snow very well. Even an inch will cause panic as wrecks pile up on the highways. The roads quickly look something like this:

Weather reporters prowl the highways, looking for wrecks to film. It’s frozen anarchy. This “blizzard” of what ended up being only an inch or two was enough to shut everything down and get me the day off work on a tuesday, so I’m not going to complain. As a nice bonus, my nerd buddy Banks works in the building next to me and had the day off, too. Being Northeners, our collective opinion was something closer to this:

So he, his wife, and their dogs jumped in their car and braved the frozen wasteland to make it to my house for some beer and boardgames while our dogs played out back and my kids tried to steal our game pieces.

First on deck: Last Night On Earth.  Zombies! So many zombies.

There’s plenty of reviews out there already so I’ll keep this quick. If you want a fun game you can dive into, it works. The soundtrack is garbage, just throw it away. It’s supposed to be spooky atmospheric effects but sounds like a MIDI file of a Nintendo game…original Nintendo. Not a spooky one, either. Contra, or maybe Zelda. Lame.

The game itself plays a lot like Space Hulk, where you have swarms of hand-to-hand guys fighting with a handicap on the dice but when they do win they maul dudes. When the heroes win they usually just push a zombie back for a draw. You need guns to kill zombies, and you can only get guns by searching buildings, so that mechanic is the engine that keeps the heroes moving and provides a nice distraction from the scenarios they’re trying to complete. A team of one or two players takes the heroes, a team of one or two players takes the zombies. Games last about 30-45 minutes.

Anyways, it’s allright. Good family game and, unlike Space Hulk, fits on your average kitchen table.

But Banks had a craving for more than just fresh brains. He had a taste of Infinity a while back and it was gnawing at him like a rabid horde of undead. He needed more, he had to satisfy his bloodlust. So, we went upstairs and played a few more demo games, working in stuff like camo, airborne troops, heavy weapons, mines, infiltrators, and impetuous troops.

My Aleph troop moves up to give his Cameronian beastie a coupe-de-grace, but is held back behind cover by the fire of his friends. Dammit.  
Eventually she does it, and moves up for more killiness.
 “This one? This one right here?”
Yes. That is the one I will slay now.

Even this wasn’t enough. After I sent him the link to our local store’s online catalog he replied back with a “Bro. I just spent [INSERT RIDICULOUS NUMBER HERE] dollars. This is your fault.” Which, of course, meant we had to bring them out to play.

Enter Chef. We’ve both been busy, so I hadn’t seen him since he came over a couple months ago. He’s picked up a new Japanese Sectorial Army and wants to take it for a spin. Banks has his shiny new Tohaa. Sounds like game night to me!

Oh yeah, Nemesis Bart gave me a call while we were playing. He’s doing fine after his move to Texas, got a good job and is quite happy. If you’re interested. When all was said and done we got in a nice, long session. About seven hours. Plenty of time to hone our blades and prepare for an assault on a city near us: Raleigh, North Carolina. Next weekend we go to rape their sheep and eat their women. All will burn before us before we get back into our longboats and return to the icy southlands with our loot.

The shit-talking has already begun on the Raleigh Facebook group, let’s see if they have the stomach to man the walls and fight us off.

In the meantime let’s have a moment of silence and reflect on the fickleness of Mother Nature.


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